It's ten to three, in the morning, my bedroom floor is a mess. The contents of two suitcases have been spilled out onto the floor. During my ten month stay here I used my suit cases as sort of furniture and storage. Most normal people get things like dressers and wardrobes, desks, chairs, things like that to keep their belongings in, their stuff. But not me, I've been camping for ten months. Or have I been procrastinating?

But in a way it's nice. My roommate may soon move out of this apartment, so he probably wouldn't appreciate it if I left a bunch of furniture behind for him to dispose of. I have none, just a plastic foot stool and a mattress (now on the floor).

I should be packing stuff, or at least throwing away the countless 7-11 receipts that spilled out from my suit case. But I haven't blogged in a long time, and I feel a little sad. I feel sad and happy at the same time, or maybe not at the same time, but back and forth, depending on where my mind drifts. At the moment it's snowing back in Bellingham, WA, but by the time I get home it'll be a melted slushy mess. But even thinking about snow, wet boots and cold floors, rooms that are either chilly or just a little bit too hot, makes me miss home. I wonder if my mom has been stoking the wood stove lately. I wonder if I really know what stoke even means. It's been a long time since I've had face to face conversations with my family, and with my friends, people who have known me most of my life. I have that feeling inside, a warm feeling, that I'm going back home now. Even though the word home has become a new and complicated word for me, having made a home here in Taipei for a while. Home in the strongest sense of the word, for the last ten months, has been a place far far away that I point to in whichever direction I think is north east. That's the happy warm feeling that I have.

But today I waved at a much newer friend of mine as I alighted the MRT train, possibly for the last time. "Good-bye" I said, "have a nice... life... in Taiwan." "See you when I come back ... to visit Taiwan," I added awkwardly, feeling that my good-bye was way too final sounding. I'm not sure if I'll be back in Taiwan, maybe ever, but I hope so.

I've been saying a lot of sad good-byes the last few days, wondering if I'll ever see them again in this world. Sometimes I even have to kind of forcefully walk away after a few failed good-bye-I'm-really-going-this-times, which is a weird feeling, I don't remember ever having to say good-bye like this so much, it's usually more like "See you later." But not here.

It's also kind of funny I guess, but I get some hugs from the brothers occasionally, but here sisters, or women in general, don't hug men in public. But I did get a few surprise hugs from a bunch of Japanese sisters, but don't tell anyone. Besides cheese I think hugging is the number one thing that should be added to the culture here.

So here I sit: missing Taiwan before I've even left it. Tonight Khyree, Irinca, and I went to Taipei's biggest night market and feasted on night market food. My meal included several Japanese chewey rice pieces covered in various tasty sauces, including a cheese sauce and a sesame sauce, delicious, a chicken heart skewer, my favorite. I never thought of eating chicken hearts before, but they are quite good. Then I got some shrimp fried rice, then I had a Kiwi "ice" for desert, which was ridiculously huge and mind numbingly sweet. Khyree had passion fruit, and Irinca got milk and egg, which was surprisingly good. And that was my last time in a Taiwan night market.